Why Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You: A Paranoid Pet Owner’s Manual

Why Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You: A Paranoid Pet Owner’s Manual

By Clare Chu

Humor

Science and Nature

Length1h 30m

About this book

Summary

Welcome to the shadowy world where your cat’s cuddle might be a reconnaissance mission. Here, each purr is suspect, every gift a warning, and the innocent act of sleeping on your keyboard? A strategic move in the silent battle for dominance. This isn’t just another day in your cozy, cat-dominated household—it’s an insight into the cunning mind behind those whiskers. Discover the art of survival in a land where being ignored is a power play, and affection could be the prelude to an assassination attempt. Navigate the minefield of feline companionship where every adorable trait masks a calculated strategy for household control. Arm yourself with the knowledge to decipher the murder stares and midnight zoomies of your fluffy overlord. It’s a world where paranoia meets reality, and love for your pet comes with a side of suspicion. Dive into the darkly humorous life of cohabitation with the cutest of predators, and remember: it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you.

Book information

Genre

Humor, Science and Nature

Length

1 hr 30 mins

Publish date

Mar 21, 2024

Language

English

About the Author

Clare Chu

Clare Chu hacked code in ye olde days of the mainframes, and now the code’s hacking her as she weaves words of questionable wisdom and side-splitting sass. Her writing? Think fairy tales on steroids, myths meeting modernity, and the unexplained becoming eerily relatable. From self-help books that'll guarantee you more misadventures than life hacks to her tech-tangled farcical tales, she’s your cheerful, if slightly zany, guide with a wink and a snarky grin.View all Audiobooks by Clare Chu

1Title Page

117. Psychological Warfare

21. Introduction: The Great Feline Conspiracy & Understanding Your Overlord

128. Protecting Yourself from Feline Assassination Attempts

32. Reading the Signs: Footnotes

13Booby-Trapping Your Home Against Cat Attacks

43. Territorial Takeovers

14Wearing Protective Gear to Avoid Scratches and Bites

54. Training the Human

15Training in Feline Self-Defense Techniques