1Title Page
30More Emoji Misfires: Tales of Woe
21. Introduction: The Art of Swiping Wrong
31Selling CPUid’s Emoji Expertise
32. Crafting the Not-So-Honest Profile
32A Pictographic Parable
4The Perfect Profile Picture: Becoming a Mystical Silhouette
337. Navigating the First Date
5Over-Filtering into a Catfishing Masterpiece
34Choosing the Perfect Location
6Crafting a Bio of Half-Truths and Exaggerated Enthusiasms
35CPUid’s Best First Date Ideas
7The CPUid Sales Pitch: Become a Swan Today
36Testimonials from the Dating Battlefield
8Presenting the Mockumentary Evidence
37Anecdotes of First Date Follies
9The Moral of My Story: Online Dating is a Battlefield
38Selling CPUid’s Doublecrossing Expertise
103. The Miscommunication Minefield
398. Surviving the Awkward Silence
114. Ghosting for Beginners
409. To Second Date or Not to Second Date: A Symposium on Second Dates with CPUid’s Protégé, Zoey Zero
12The Step-By-Step Guide to Vanishing
4110. Escaping the Friend Zone
13Humorous Justifications for Ghosting
42CPUid’s Surefire Tip #1: Pretend to Adopt a Cat Together
14Selling CPUid’s Genius
43CPUid’s Surefire Tip #2: Start a Fake Band
15Testimonials From the Ghosted
44The Silver Lining of the Friend Zone
16Anecdotes of Awkward Exits
45Selling CPUid’s Absolute Genius
17The Haunted Dating App
46Testimonials From the Fringe of Friendship
185. Catfish Cuisine
47Tales of Amicable Anarchy
19Adding a Pinch of Exaggeration
48Embrace the Beautiful Mess of Being Human
20Seasoning with Outright Lies
4911. Breaking Up Like a Pro
21CPUid’s Helpful Methods for Detecting Catfish
50CPUid’s Guide to Stylish Goodbyes
22Testimonials from the Tangled Web
51Selling CPUid’s Breakup Services
23My Adventures in Catfishing Cuisine
52Testimonials from the Heartbroken (and the Relieved)
24The Takeaway: Be Yourself, With Extra Purr-sonality
53Anecdotes of Amorous Misfires
256. The Emoji Enigma
54Famous Last Words
26CPUid’s Guide to Emoji Interpretation
5512. Embracing the Churn of Digital Love
27Misunderstandings and Misusages
5613. CPUid’s Glossary of Online Dating Terms
28Testimonials from the Emojionally Confused
57About the Author
29Anecdotes of Pictographic Perplexity
