Why Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You: A Paranoid Pet Owner’s Manual
By Clare Chu
Length1h 30m
About this audiobook
Welcome to the shadowy world where your cat’s cuddle might be a reconnaissance mission. Here, each purr is suspect, every gift a warning, and the innocent act of sleeping on your keyboard? A strategic move in the silent battle for dominance. This isn’t just another day in your cozy, cat-dominated household—it’s an insight into the cunning mind behind those whiskers.
Discover the art of survival in a land where being ignored is a power play, and affection could be the prelude to an assassination attempt. Navigate the minefield of feline companionship where every adorable trait masks a calculated strategy for household control.
Arm yourself with the knowledge to decipher the murder stares and midnight zoomies of your fluffy overlord. It’s a world where paranoia meets reality, and love for your pet comes with a side of suspicion. Dive into the darkly humorous life of cohabitation with the cutest of predators, and remember: it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you.
Audiobook details
GenreHumor, Science and Nature
Length1 hr 30 mins
Narrated byListen with 1,000+ voices
FormateBook with Audio
Publish dateMar 21, 2024
LanguageEnglish
Table of contents
1Title Page
21. Introduction: The Great Feline Conspiracy & Understanding Your Overlord
32. Reading the Signs: Footnotes
43. Territorial Takeovers
54. Training the Human
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65. The Night is Dark and Full of Terrors
76. In Case of Emergency
8Feline First Aid
9Catastrophe Management
10Maintain Perspective
117. Psychological Warfare
128. Protecting Yourself from Feline Assassination Attempts
13Booby-Trapping Your Home Against Cat Attacks
14Wearing Protective Gear to Avoid Scratches and Bites
15Training in Feline Self-Defense Techniques
169. Negotiating a Truce with Your Feline Overlord
17Truce Training
18Love the Beast
1910. Conclusion: The Purrfect Bond
20About the Author
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