The Shopping Diet
My Mum's Hilarious Weight Loss RoutineBy Emily Hartmann
Length9h 57m
About this audiobook
Forget treadmills. Forget kale. Forget paying a stranger to count your squats.
This is the true(ish) story of one unstoppable mother who discovered the world's funniest weight-loss secret hiding in plain sight: shopping. Armed with comfortable shoes, a handbag heavier than checked luggage, and zero interest in gym memberships, she power-walks through markets, climbs mall staircases like an Olympic athlete, negotiates like a lawyer, and treats a 50%-off sign like a starting gun — all while eating fried rice, meat pie, and ice cream without an ounce of guilt.
And somehow… the scale agrees with her.
The Shopping Diet is a laugh-out-loud comedy memoir about family, food, body image, and the wonderfully chaotic logic of the woman who raised you. It's part sitcom, part diary confession, part fake fitness science — and entirely the funniest book about your mother you didn't know you needed. From dressing room Olympics to trolley racing championships, rival aunties to a receipt nobody is allowed to see, this book turns ordinary errands into unforgettable, heartwarming chaos.
Audiobook details
GenreHumor
Length9 hrs 57 mins
Narrated byListen with 1,000+ voices
FormateBook with Audio
LanguageEnglish
Table of contents
1©2026. All Rights Reserved . Emily Hartmann Legal Disclaimer
2Warning: This Book May Burn Calories Through Laughter
3PART ONE: THE DISCOVERY OF THE SHOPPING DIET
4Mum Versus the Gym
5The Day the Weighing Scale Lied
Mostrar todos os capítulosVer menos
6Walking Through Stores Like a Soldier
7The Science of Shopping Cardio
8Why Window Shopping Is Dangerous
9PART TWO: THE ADVENTURES BEGIN
10The Great Supermarket Marathon
11Attack of the 50% Discount Sign
12The Dressing Room Olympics
13Trolley Racing Championships
14The Handbag Weightlifting Program
15Five Hours, Three Markets, No Rest
16PART THREE: COMPETITIVE SHOPPING
17Rival Aunties and Market Wars
18The Last Item on the Shelf
19Bargaining Like a Lawyer
20The Fashion Disaster Incident
21The Security Guard Who Knew Her Name
22Shopping While Hungry: A National Emergency
23PART FOUR: FAMILY SUFFERING & PUBLIC EMBARRASSMENT
24Children Lost in the Mall
25Dad's Retirement From Shopping Trips
26The Dangerous "Just One More Shop" Promise
27The Receipt Nobody Was Allowed to See
28The Day Mum Nearly Fought Over a Discount
29Carrying Bags Like an Olympic Athlete
30PART FIVE: THE WEIGHT LOSS LEGEND
31Doctors Hate Her Shopping Method
32The Fake Fitness Expert Interview
33How Mum Lost 2kg Without Sacrifice
34Opening Her Own Shopping Fitness Class
35The International Shopping Diet Movement
36The Final Shopping Trip
37Calories Fade, Receipts Remain Forever
38Bonus Sections
39Mum's Official Shopping Diet Rules
40Fake Scientific Research About Shopping Weight Loss
41Survival Guide for Children Forced to Shop
42Most Dangerous Words Mum Ever Said
43Emergency Shopping Vocabulary
More from Emily Hartmann
Lost In TranslationAudrey Davis9h 15m4.4 (235)Free
This Is Going to HurtAdam Kay5h 47m4.4 (444.7K)$24 · $0.00
You Will Get Through This NightDaniel Howell6h 56m4.4 (11.8K)$24 · $0.00
Northanger Abbey (Annotated)Jane Austen10h 7m4.5 (1.6K)$2 · $0.00
My Dear HamiltonStephanie Dray, Laura Kamoie23h 7m4.4 (63.6K)$46 · $0.00
THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS & SCREWTAPE PROPOSES A TOAST (Annotated)C. S. Lewis5h 6m4.4 (471K)$2 · $0.00
BufferingHannah Hart5h 55m4.4 (12.4K)$24 · $0.00
The Office BFFsJenna Fischer, Angela Kinsey8h 26m4.3 (45.4K)$26 · $0.00
The Collected Stories of Dorothy ParkerDorothy Parker8h 36m4.3 (13.6K)$1 · $0.00
LambChristopher Moore15h 22m4.3 (211.3K)$33 · $0.00
#IMomSoHardKristin Hensley, Jen Smedley7h 19m4.3 (7.3K)$24 · $0.00
Mixed PlateJo Koy8h 18m4.3 (7.1K)$26 · $0.00
Over the TopJonathan Van Ness5h 50m4.3 (87.3K)$24 · $0.00
It Never EndsTom Scharpling8h 53m4.4 (2.3K)$20 · $0.00
The Importance of Being EarnestOscar Wilde2h 31m4.3 (475.9K)$1.20 · $0.00
More Tales of the CityArmistead Maupin8h 23m4.3 (22.6K)$26 · $0.00
Joyful Recollections of TraumaPaul Scheer6h 38m4.3 (8.2K)$7 · $0.00
More Than a WomanCaitlin Moran9h 31m4.3 (16.8K)$29 · $0.00
FamesickLena Dunham11h 46m4.3 (49.7K)$29 · $0.00
Scandalous WomenGill Paul10h 46m4.4 (1.5K)$29 · $0.00
You may also like
Bare Minimum ParentingJames Breakwell4h 7m3.7 (1.7K)$20 · $0.00
The Life and Opinions of Tristram ShandyLaurence Sterne19h 54m3.9 (98.4K)$3.50 · $0.00
The Toys of Peace and Other Papers (Annotated)Saki, H. H. Munro7h 15m4.1 (2.1K)$2 · $0.00
Blame It On Bianca Del RioBianca Del Rio4h 46m3.6 (2.8K)$20 · $0.00
Seven Kinds of People You Find in BookshopsShaun Bythell2h 1m3.7 (10.3K)$15 · $0.00
The CloudsAristophanes1h 33m4.0 (12.2K)$2.30
How to Train Your HumanBabas1h 50m4.1 (1.5K)$16 · $0.00
The Diary of a NobodyGeorge Grossmith, Weedon Grossmith4h 28m3.9 (26.4K)$11 · $0.00
Is sex necessary?E.B. White, James Thurber3h 15m3.7 (3.2K)$1.99 · $0.00
Is Sex Necessary? Or, Why You Feel the Way You DoJames Thurber, E. B. White3h 5m3.8 (1.1K)$20
Twilight SleepEdith Wharton9h 30m3.6 (2.3K)$20
On Masturbation: "Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism"Mark Twain1h 30m3.7 (1.1K)$1 · $0.00
The Devil's DictionaryAmbrose Bierce7h 7m4.2 (11.3K)$2.30
The Life-changing Magic of a Little Bit of MessKerri Sackville4h 29m3.6 (84)$20 · $0.00
The Life-changing Magic of a Little Bit of MessKerri Sackville4h 29m3.6 (83)$20 · $0.00
Cutie: A Warm MammaBen Hecht, Maxwell Bodenheim53m$1 · $0.00
Folly as It Flies; Hit at by Fanny FernFanny Fern6h 53m3.5 (10)$2 · $0.00
The Man Who Knew Coolidge (Annotated)Sinclair Lewis6h 49m$2 · $0.00
Gullible's Travels etc.Ring Lardner4h 50m3.8 (83)$2.30
Josiah Allen on the Woman QuestionMarietta Holley3h 25m$1 · $0.00