The Quiet Retirement

Designing the Years After Work for People Who Did Not Want to Be Defined by Their Job AnywayBy Eleanor Wexler

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Length9h 47m

About this audiobook

The Quiet Retirement is a memoir and companion for life after work, retirement identity loss, and finding purpose after retirement — for people who never wanted to be defined by their job and who suspect the golden-years brochure was written for somebody else. The morning Eleanor Wexler walked out of the Vermont library where she had worked for thirty-five years, it was raining and she was sixty-three. She drove home, made a cup of tea, sat in the kitchen, and waited for the elation the retirement books had promised. Nothing came. "And then, for about eleven months, I was not all right." This is the book she went looking for that fall and could not find: not a thirty-day plan, not a list of hobbies, but an honest account of what it is actually like to lose the scaffolding of a job you never even thought you were attached to. This is a book about life after work for the schoolteacher who could not stand to be called a saint, the nurse who refused to wear scrubs to dinner, the service worker trained for decades to look outward and now standing at the sink asking who is in the room when nobody is watching. Wexler draws on Joseph Coughlin's work at MIT, Mary Catherine Bateson's idea of a second adulthood, and the Stanford New Map of Life, but she is clear that the systems describe shapes, not the Wednesday in November when the sky goes pewter and you must decide what to do with the hour in front of you. Across twenty-two short chapters she maps retirement identity loss, the grief of an identity that has lost its outline, and the slow, unglamorous work of finding purpose after retirement on your own terms. Inside this life after work book: • The eleven months nobody warns you about — Why the honeymoon that wasn't, the failed literacy council, the writing group, the gym, and the knitting circle were not wrong, only not the answer, because there is no single answer to find • Who you are when nobody is watching — The question that arrives at the kitchen sink, and why the discomfort is structural rather than personal for anyone who spent a career in a service role • A retirement you do not have to perform — Refusing the pressure to convert your sixties and seventies into a second career, a brand, or an Instagram, and learning to let the years be the years • The question at the cocktail party — What to actually say when people ask what you do now, and why the answer matters more than it should • Money as texture, not a problem to solve — A chapter on money that is about the feel of these years, written by someone who is careful to say this is not a financial guide • Seasonal time as a frame — How Vermont's insisting seasons, the garden, the kitchen, and reading after work give shape to days without a calendar • Legacy, and the question of death — The two chapters Wexler almost left out, kept short and honest, on what these years are finally for The quiet retirement is not a smaller retirement or a lesser version of someone else's. It is, as Wexler writes, "a fully sized life, lived at a different volume." For the reader navigating retirement identity loss and life after work, this is the companion that does not promise too much and does not try to sell you a second self. For readers of Bill Burnett and Dave Evans's Designing Your Life and Herminia Ibarra's Working Identity.

Grief Identity Journey Psychological Healing Exploration