1When Your Partner Has Autism and ADHD
9511.7 Case Study: James's Honest Assessment
2Preface
9611.8 When Therapy Is Essential
3Chapter 1.0: What Is AuDHD
9711.9 Essential Takeaways
41.1 Autism and ADHD Together
9812.1 What Cassandra Syndrome Means
51.2 Why Diagnosis Was Missed
9912.2 Seven Signs of Burnout
61.3 The Unique Profile
10012.3 Your Experience Is Valid
71.4 Common Traits You'll See
10112.4 The Cost of Self Erasure
81.5 The Masking Tax
10212.5 Scripts for Self Advocacy
91.6 Meet Your Guides
10312.6 Finding Your People
101.7 What You've Learned
10412.7 Assessing Your Burnout
11Chapter 2.0: The Partner Experience
10512.8 Jordan's Wake Up
122.1 Living Life for Two
10612.9 Moving Forward
132.2 The Whiplash Effect
107Chapter 13.0: Your Needs Matter Too
142.3 Cassandra Syndrome Explained
10813.1 Boundaries Aren't Ableist
152.4 Your Daily Struggles
10913.2 Accommodation vs Self Erasure
162.5 What This Isn't
11013.3 Four Common Guilt Traps
172.6 Your Reality Check
11113.4 Your Boundary Framework
182.7 Moving Forward
11213.5 Boundaries That Protect Both
19Chapter 3.0: The Contradiction Matrix
11313.6 Defining Your Non Negotiables
203.1 The Six Core Paradoxes
11413.7 Sam's Morning Breakthrough
213.2 Daily Life Examples
11513.8 Key Takeaways
223.3 Why Compromise Fails
116Chapter 14.0: Building Your Support System
233.4 The Decision Framework
11714.1 Why You Need Others
243.5 Saturday Morning Breakdown
11814.2 Five Types of Support
253.6 What You've Learned
11914.3 Privacy and Disclosure
26Chapter 4.0: Communication in Mixed Relationships
12014.4 Red Flags in Communities
274.1 The Double Bind Problem
12114.5 Finding Quality Resources
284.2 Five Communication Breakdowns
12214.6 Mapping Your Support Network
294.3 The Scripts You Need
12314.7 Alex Finds Connection
304.4 The 24 Hour Rule
12414.8 Your Next Steps
314.5 Your Communication Agreement
125Chapter 15.0: When Both Are AuDHD
324.6 Jordan's State of Union
12615.1 A Different Kind of Partnership
334.7 Moving Forward
12715.2 Unexpected Strengths
34Chapter 5.0: Executive Function and Invisible Load
12815.3 Making It Work
355.1 What Executive Function Means
12915.4 Finding Complementary Strengths
365.2 The Invisible Work
13015.5 Priya and Marcus Build Their Life
375.3 Why Lists Fail
13115.6 The Freedom of Difference
385.4 The Burden Sharing Framework
13215.7 Essential Points
395.5 Systems That Work
133Chapter 16.0: Parenting Money and Transitions
405.6 Sam's Morning Transformation
13416.1 Parenting Together
415.7 Key Takeaways
13516.2 Money and Executive Function
42Chapter 6.0: Sensory Needs and Shared Spaces
13616.3 Chen and Aisha Navigate Job Loss
436.1 Your Partner's Sensory Profile
13716.4 When Everything Changes
446.2 Six Sensory Challenges
13816.5 Planning for Your Stage
456.3 The ADHD Complication
13916.6 Multiple Families in Transition
466.4 Creating Livable Spaces
14016.7 The Bottom Line
476.5 Alex's Bedroom Solution
141Chapter 17.0: Stay or Go
486.6 Sensory Mapping Exercise
14217.1 Questions Only You Answer
496.7 What You've Learned
14317.2 When to Keep Trying
50Chapter 7.0: Social Life and Friendships
14417.3 When to Consider Leaving
517.1 The Social Energy Mismatch
14517.4 Grief and Permission
527.2 Common Social Scenarios
14617.5 What Staying Requires
537.3 The Aftermath
14717.6 Your Private Assessment
547.4 Navigation Scripts You Need
14817.7 Marcus Finds Clarity
557.5 Your Independent Social Life
14917.8 Aisha Chooses to Stay
567.6 Jordan's Friends Night Success
15017.9 Wrapping Up
577.7 Putting It Together
151Conclusion
58Chapter 8.0: Emotional Intimacy and Connection
15218.1 The Journey You've Taken
598.1 What Intimacy Actually Means
15318.2 The Truth About These Relationships
608.2 Five Intimacy Challenges
15418.3 Permission to Be Human
618.3 What Isn't Rejection
15518.4 What You Can't Do
628.4 Building Connection Your Way
15618.5 What Success Actually Looks Like
638.5 Case Study: Elena Learns the Language
15718.6 Asking for Help
648.6 Recognizing AuDHD Love
15818.7 Moving Forward Now
658.7 Case Study: Marcus Finds Connection in Silence
15918.8 Final Words
668.8 Your Intimacy Language Together
160Appendix A: Quick Reference Guides
678.9 Integration and Synthesis
161A.1 Communication Scripts
68Chapter 9.0: Physical Intimacy and Sexuality
162A.2 Meltdown and Shutdown Protocol
699.1 Sensory Reality in Intimate Contexts
163A.3 Executive Function Division
709.2 The ADHD Autism Collision
164A.4 Sensory Accommodation Checklist
719.3 Common Issues and Solutions
165A.5 Boundary Setting Scripts
729.4 Case Study: Diego and the Sensory Map
166A.6 Weekly Check-In Questions
739.5 When Intimacy Becomes Conflict
167A.7 Emergency Self-Care Menu
749.6 The Negotiation Framework
168Appendix B: Assessment Tools
759.7 Case Study: James and the Scheduling Solution
169B.1 Partner Burnout Assessment
769.8 Finding Support
170B.2 Relationship Health Check-In
779.9 Essential Takeaways
171B.3 Executive Function Division Audit
78Chapter 10.0: Conflict and Crisis Moments
172B.4 Conflict Pattern Tracker
7910.1 Three Different Crises
173B.5 Boundary Violation Log
8010.2 The Decision Framework
174B.6 Support System Map
8110.3 What Not to Do
175Appendix C: Resources and Further Reading
8210.4 What Actually Helps
176C.1 Books on Autism, ADHD, and Relationships
8310.5 Case Study: Alex's Red Card System
177C.2 Online Communities and Forums
8410.6 Conflict Resolution for AuDHD
178C.3 Therapist Directories
8510.7 Case Study: Priya's Written Processing
179C.4 Podcasts and Video Resources
8610.8 When Professional Help Matters
180C.5 Crisis and Support Services
8710.9 Core Principles Recap
181Appendix D: For Therapists and Professionals
88Chapter 11.0: Neurology vs Relationship Problems
182D.1 Using This Book with Clients
8911.1 The Hardest Question
183D.2 Common Mistakes
9011.2 The Comprehensive Framework
184D.3 Contraindicated Approaches
9111.3 Case Study: Maria's Clarity Moment
185D.4 Recommended Assessment
9211.4 Red Flags That Aren't Neurodivergence
186D.5 Building Neurodivergent-Affirming Practice
9311.5 When Accommodation Becomes Enabling
187Appendix E: Glossary of Terms
9411.6 The Accountability Question
188Reference
