Length3h 8m
About this audiobook
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is ""like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,"" has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
""That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.""
""Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.""
""The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.""
Almost two million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
Audiobook details
Rating★★★★ 4.1 (169.4K)
Includes Goodreads, Amazon, LibraryThing, StoryGraph
GenreHumor, Self-Help
Length3 hrs 8 mins
Narrated bySean Schemmel
FormatAudiobook
Publish dateMay 4, 2010
LanguageEnglish
More from Justin Halpern
Lost In TranslationAudrey Davis9h 15m4.4 (235)Free
Welcome to PawneeJim O'Heir6h 24m4.5 (5.3K)$24 · $0.00
Going PostalTerry Pratchett13h 36m4.5 (163.8K)$33 · $0.00
Woman UninterruptedBrodie Kane7h 1m4.6 (562)$24 · $0.00
1984 & Animal Farm (Annotated)George Orwell15h 54m4.5 (220.8K)$3.99 · $0.00
Kingsblood Royal (Annotated)Sinclair Lewis14h 42m4.6 (264)$2 · $0.00
This Is Going to HurtAdam Kay5h 47m4.4 (444.7K)$24 · $0.00
You Will Get Through This NightDaniel Howell6h 56m4.4 (11.8K)$24 · $0.00
Northanger Abbey (Annotated)Jane Austen10h 7m4.5 (1.6K)$2 · $0.00
My Dear HamiltonStephanie Dray, Laura Kamoie23h 7m4.4 (63.6K)$46 · $0.00
THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS & SCREWTAPE PROPOSES A TOAST (Annotated)C. S. Lewis5h 6m4.4 (471K)$2 · $0.00
BufferingHannah Hart5h 55m4.4 (12.4K)$24 · $0.00
The Office BFFsJenna Fischer, Angela Kinsey8h 26m4.3 (45.4K)$26 · $0.00
The Collected Stories of Dorothy ParkerDorothy Parker8h 36m4.3 (13.6K)$1 · $0.00
LambChristopher Moore15h 22m4.3 (211.3K)$33 · $0.00
#IMomSoHardKristin Hensley, Jen Smedley7h 19m4.3 (7.3K)$24 · $0.00
Mixed PlateJo Koy8h 18m4.3 (7.1K)$26 · $0.00
Over the TopJonathan Van Ness5h 50m4.3 (87.3K)$24 · $0.00
It Never EndsTom Scharpling8h 53m4.4 (2.3K)$20 · $0.00
The Importance of Being EarnestOscar Wilde2h 31m4.3 (475.9K)$1.20 · $0.00
Learning to PrayJames Martin13h 24m4.5 (3.4K)$33 · $0.00
You Are Worth ItKyle Carpenter, Don Yaeger8h 53m4.7 (4.8K)$29 · $0.00
The Happiest Man on EarthEddie Jaku3h 48m4.6 (178K)$7 · $0.00
Finding MeViola Davis9h 15m4.6 (256.4K)$29 · $0.00
Spiritual AnatomyDaaji Kamlesh D. Patel9h 47m4.7 (319)$29 · $0.00
The Dangerous Truth about Today’s MarijuanaLaura Stack CSP, MBA9h 57m4.7 (385)$20 · $0.00
Birdie & HarlowTaylor Wolfe7h 50m4.6 (6.5K)$26 · $0.00
CrossroadsKaleb Dahlgren7h 56m4.6 (4.9K)$26 · $0.00
Life on the BridgeKaelynn Partlow5h 40m4.6 (1.1K)$24 · $0.00
Keep Your Love OnDanny Silk9h 4m4.6 (8.1K)$10 · $0.00
The Tao of Joy Every DayDerek Lin10h 24m4.6 (762)$20 · $0.00
UndividedVicky Beeching9h 2m4.6 (1.3K)$29 · $0.00
HE CAN WHO THINKS HE CAN & OTHER BOOKS ON SUCCESSOrison Swett Marden5h 54m4.6 (1.2K)$1.99 · $0.00
Level UpRob Dial7h 42m4.6 (3.3K)$26 · $0.00
Burn the HaystackJennie Young, PhD9h 30m4.6 (543)$29 · $0.00
ACRES OF DIAMONDS: Our Every-day Opportunities (Wisdom & Empowerment Series) (Annotated)Russell Conwell2h 26m4.6 (1K)$2 · $0.00
Good InsideBecky Kennedy9h 55m4.5 (59.3K)$29 · $0.00
The Lost VoiceGreta Morgan8h 30m4.7 (285)$26 · $0.00
Stripped DownBunnie Xo8h 25m4.5 (32.9K)$26 · $0.00
UnthinkableJamie Raskin15h 8m4.5 (9.3K)$8 · $0.00
You may also like
Three O'Clock in the MorningGianrico Carofiglio3h 55m4.3 (8.5K)$20 · $0.00
The Beautiful PeopleMichelle Gable9h 4m3.7 (2.7K)$29 · $0.00
Kitchen ChineseAnn Mah11h 21m3.6 (2.6K)$29 · $0.00
Little women trilogyLouisa May41h 57m4.4 (9.5K)$3.50 · $0.00
Elsewhere, HomeLeila Aboulela6h 18m3.9 (1.4K)$17 · $0.00
मलानिया: ऑडियोबुकMelania Trump5h 33m4.2 (16.9K)$25
Children of the LandMarcelo Hernandez Castillo10h 6m4.1 (4K)$29 · $0.00
Birdie & HarlowTaylor Wolfe7h 50m4.6 (6.5K)$26 · $0.00
No One Succeeds AloneRobert Reffkin, Benis Reffkin5h 55m4.3 (852)$24 · $0.00
Granny Torrelli Makes SoupSharon Creech1h 47m4.1 (14.9K)$16 · $0.00
KinTayari Jones13h 11m3.8 (7.1K)$27 · $0.00
Dreaming Out LoudBaby Ariel4h 58m4.0 (469)$20 · $0.00
Fancy NancyJane O'Connor, Robin Preiss Glasser5m4.3 (37.3K)$4 · $0.00
The Longest JourneyE. M. Forster10h 35m3.8 (14.1K)$2.30 · $0.00
Hot Chocolate on ThursdayMichiko Aoyama3h 37m3.8 (10.4K)$17 · $0.00
Post GradCaroline Kitchener9h 5m3.7 (1.1K)$29 · $0.00
I Suck at GirlsJustin Halpern4h 8m4.0 (23.1K)$20 · $0.00
Patty in ParisCarolyn Wells5h 43m3.7 (55)$2.30
Shane's RideEmery C. Walters1h 12m$2 · $0.00
Life in the Key of GKenny G, Philip Lerman9h 45m4.3 (218)$23