Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor Volume II
By Thomas L. Masson
Length4h 44m
About this audiobook
Excerpt: "Does any one remember the Caravan? She was what would now be considered a slow boat—then (1827) she was regularly advertised as the "fast running," etc. Her regular trips from New Orleans to Natchez were usually made in from six to eight days; a trip made by her in five days was considered remarkable. A voyage from New Orleans to Vicksburg and back, including stoppages, generally entitled the officers and crew to a month's wages. Whether the Caravan ever achieved the feat of a voyage to the Falls (Louisville) I have never learned; if she did, she must have "had a time of it!" It was my fate to take passage in this boat. The Captain was a good-natured, easy-going man, careful of the comfort of his passengers, and exceedingly fond of the game of brag. We had been out a little more than five days, and we were in hopes of seeing the bluffs of Natchez on the next day. Our wood was getting low, and night coming on. The pilot on duty above (the other pilot held three aces at the time, and was just calling out the Captain, who "went it strong" on three kings) sent down word that the mate had reported the stock of wood reduced to half a cord. The worthy Captain excused himself to the pilot whose watch was below and the two passengers who made up the party, and hurried to the deck, where he soon discovered by the landmarks that we were about half a mile from a woodyard, which he said was situated "right round yonder point." "But," muttered the Captain, "I don't much like to take wood of the yellow-faced old scoundrel who owns it—he always charges a quarter of a dollar more than any one else; however, there's no other chance." The boat was pushed to her utmost, and in a little less than an hour, when our fuel was about giving out, we made the point, and our cables were out and fastened to trees alongside of a good-sized woodpile. "Hallo, Colonel! How d'ye sell your wood this time?" A yellow-faced old gentleman, with a two-weeks' beard, strings over his shoulders holding up to his armpits a pair of copperas-colored linsey-woolsey pants, the legs of which reached a very little below the knee; shoes without stockings; a faded, broad-brimmed hat, which had once been black, and a pipe in his mouth—casting a glance at the empty guards of our boat and uttering a grunt as he rose from fastening our "spring line," answered: "Why, Capting, we must charge you three and a quarter this time.""
Audiobook details
GenreGeneral Fiction
Length4 hrs 44 mins
Narrated byListen with 1,000+ voices
FormateBook with Audio
Publish dateSep 15, 2019
LanguageEnglish
Table of contents
1SOL SMITH
19A BOSTON LULLABY
2THE DOG AND THE BEES
20ROBERT JONES BURDETTE
3OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES
21THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT
4G. H. DERBY (“Phœnix,” “Squibob”)
22ANONYMOUS
5SUSAN SIMPSON
23HENRY GUY CARLETON
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6MARY MAPES DODGE
24GEORGE T. LANIGAN
7JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL
25HENRY CUYLER BUNNER
8JOHN GODFREY SAXE
26AN INSURANCE AGENT’S STORY
9SAMUEL L. CLEMENS (“Mark Twain”)
27FRANK DEMPSTER SHERMAN
10FREDERICK WILLIAM SHELTON
28AN EPITAPH
11BRET HARTE
29THOMAS BAILEY ALDRICH
12JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL
30GELETT BURGESS
13CHARLES GODFREY LELAND
31MARION COUTHOUY SMITH
14G. H. DERBY (“Phœnix,” “Squibob”)
32SOME MESSAGES RECEIVED BY TEACHERS IN BROOKLYN PUBLIC SCHOOLS
15BRET HARTE
33THE TROUT’S APPEAL
16THE V-A-S-E
34BILL NYE
17FRANK R. STOCKTON
35GEORGE W. PECK
18JOHN TOWNSEND TROWBRIDGE
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