Length2h 16m
About this audiobook
Carl and Dale share a windowless office at the exact center of nowhere — two identical desks facing each other like rival tombstones, under fluorescent lights that never stop buzzing. Their jobs are the same. Their pay is the same. Even their boss treats them like one interchangeable problem. Across twenty-three episodes and a scatter of interludes, they wage a slow, absurd war on each other and on the void — armed with meat cleavers, chainsaws, brass knuckles, a flamethrower, and an endless supply of things to say that shouldn't be said out loud. It is a book about two men with nothing left but the words they're allowed to use on each other, in a room with no windows, at the exact center of nowhere. Preposterously undeniable calm madness.
Audiobook details
GenreHumor
Length2 hrs 16 mins
Narrated byRecorded Track
FormatAudiobook
Publish dateSep 17, 2026
LanguageEnglish
Table of contents
1Prologue
2Episode One: In the Middle of Nowhere
3Episode Two: BlackMess & The 50-Lap Purgatory
4Episode Three: StereoFights & Power Tools
5Episode Four: Thrones
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6Episode Five: Immortal
7Episode Six: DuoTone & The Human Eraser
8Episode Seven: IvoryEnvy & The Mask of Command
9Interlude: VI2
10Episode Eight: Magnum & The Tetanus Peace Treaty
11Episode Nine: SelfContra & The Ballistics of Failure
12Episode Ten: Doodles & The Atmospheric Audit
13Interlude: Lucky Carl
14Episode Eleven: The Architecture of the Void
15Episode Twelve: Shock Jocks & The Recursive Loop
16Interlude: Inevitable: The Gravity of the Ghost
17Episode Thirteen: Dale's Do-Over
18Interlude: Job Interview
19Interlude: Best Ever
20Episode Fourteen: BlackMess & The 50-Lap Purgatory (Reprise)
21Episode Fifteen: Dreamers & The Kazoo of Destiny
22Episode Sixteen: The Sovereignty of the Slur
23Episode Seventeen: Magnitude & The Zero-Point Energy Field
24Interlude: The Illusion of Us & The Sovereignty of the Awake
25The Bio: Carl
26The Bio: Dale
27Episode Eighteen: High School Rules
28Episode Nineteen: Serial Killers
29Interlude: The President of Nothing
30Episode Twenty: Carl's Cuckold
31Episode Twenty-One: Tarnished Wood
32Episode Twenty-Two: The Chinway Report
33Interlude: Fun
34Episode Twenty-Three: Half Full
35Interlude: 19:95$
36Interlude: Bleak
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