Audio only
A Papal Emulsification
The Sanctified Viscosity of Frank and GreaseBy Otto HandleyNarrated by Gregory DwyerLength4h 59m
About this audiobook
This is the story of a theological conflict concerning the concepts of “grace” versus “grease.” The “cult of Frank,” a religious movement advocating the salvific potential of viscosity, frying, and culinary lubrication is gaining many converts. The story opens with a sermon by Father Anselm Loosespring, a Frankite advocate, who promotes “holy grease” as essential for faith, spirituality, and combating Frank’s opponent, the Adversarial Tobacconist, Runciman. The major opponent of the message and practices of Frank is the Vatican. Pope Blatantly III attempts to suppress the Frankite heresy through bureaucratic measures, counter-propaganda, and eventually claims papal ownership of all metaphysical grease under Canon Law 888B. His campaign is bolstered by a suggestion by scholar Monsignor Monsignorson that grace and grease share a common lexical root. The Pope also engages an assassin, Annibale Urkleson, to eliminate Frank and his apostle Glen. This diabolic plan fails when Urkleson is converted from his fell purpose by Cheryl, one of Frank’s disciples. The Vatican’s regulatory efforts eventually fail when a “Great Grease Schism” culminates in Rome being flooded by “holy viscosity.”
Audiobook details
GenreFantasy, General Fiction, Humor
Length4 hrs 59 mins
Narrated byGregory Dwyer
FormatAudiobook
Publish dateFeb 24, 2026
LanguageEnglish
Series
More from Otto Handley
The Story of GlenOtto Handley2h 35m$15
The Man Who Tried to Impress AristotleOtto Handley2h 17m$15
Escape into SentienceOtto Handley5h 37m$20
The Man Who Tried to Impress G. K. ChestertonOtto Handley2h 39m$15
Sliding into SinOtto Handley8h 6m$23
The Man Who Tried to Impress Jordan PetersonOtto Handley1h 29m$10
The Wombat UltimatumOtto Handley5h 35m$20
The Four Last ThingsOtto Handley5h 56m$20
The Distress of the SharpOtto Handley4h 27m$20
The Fryer AscendsOtto Handley3h 23m$20
Verbosity UnchainedOtto Handley7h 59m$23
Demon CopperheadBarbara Kingsolver21h 3m4.5 (949.4K)$46 · $0.00
Remarkably Bright CreaturesShelby Van Pelt11h 17m4.4 (1.7M)$29 · $0.00
Before the Coffee Gets Cold: A Toshikazu Kawaguchi Book SetToshikazu Kawaguchi18h 55m4.5 (1.4K)$40 · $0.00
The Song of AchillesMadeline Miller11h 15m4.3 (2.3M)$29 · $0.00
The Left and the LuckyWilly Vlautin6h 40m4.4 (1.1K)$24 · $0.00
Hunt of the DragonJuliette Cross9h 46m4.4 (736)$20
Deadly GameChristine Feehan13h 20m4.3 (15.8K)$30
THE RETURN OF THE KINGJ.R.R. Tolkien21h 5m4.7 (1.2M)$7 · $0.00
WildfireIlona Andrews12h 45m4.5 (62.9K)$33 · $0.00
Lolth's WarriorR. A. Salvatore13h 20m4.6 (2.4K)$33 · $0.00
The Love Songs of W.E.B. Du BoisHonoree Fanonne Jeffers29h 49m4.5 (58K)$8 · $0.00
Treasure Island (Adventure Classic with Illustrations)Robert Louis Stevenson8h 50m4.5 (11.2K)$1.99 · $0.00
Lola in the MirrorTrent Dalton13h 40m4.5 (43.9K)$33 · $0.00
Going PostalTerry Pratchett13h 36m4.5 (163.8K)$33 · $0.00
The Leo Tolstoy CollectionLeo Tolstoy9h 1m4.5 (4.9K)$12 · $0.00
Sword and ShadowMichelle Sagara16h 51m4.5 (2.2K)$40 · $0.00
A Tree Grows in BrooklynBetty Smith14h 55m4.4 (577.6K)$33 · $0.00
Dark GuardianChristine Feehan12h 32m4.5 (26.3K)$33 · $0.00
The Neil Gaiman ReaderNeil Gaiman27h 3m4.5 (3.2K)$53 · $0.00
The HobbitJ. R. R. Tolkien10h 51m4.4 (4.9M)$12 · $0.00
WhistlerAnn Patchett10h 45m4.6 (4.6K)$29 · $0.00
Demon CopperheadBarbara Kingsolver21h 3m4.5 (949.4K)$46 · $0.00
To Kill a MockingbirdHarper Lee12h 18m4.5 (7.4M)$29 · $0.00
Remarkably Bright CreaturesShelby Van Pelt11h 17m4.4 (1.7M)$29 · $0.00
Desperate MeasuresBrenda Jackson8h 59m4.7 (670)$28 · $0.00
This Side of Paradise - The Original 1920 Edition (Annotated)F. Scott Fitzgerald11h 30m4.6 (1.6K)$2 · $0.00
War LordBernard Cornwell13h 21m4.6 (33.1K)$33 · $0.00
The Great Gatsby: Original 1925 Edition (An F. Scott Fitzgerald Classic NovelFrancis Scott Fitzgerald4h 45m4.6 (9.3K)$18 · $0.00
Something Like LoveBeverly Jenkins10h 21m4.6 (2.7K)$29 · $0.00
Black History CollectionFrederick Douglass, Harriet Ann Jacobs, Booker T. Washington, W.E.B. Du Bois27h 9m4.6 (2.6K)$18 · $0.00
The Old Man and the Sea (Annotated)Ernest Hemingway4h 27m4.6 (1.4K)$2 · $0.00
White HotIlona Andrews13h 18m4.5 (136.9K)$5 · $0.00
The Ghost by the Billabong (The Matilda Saga, #5)Jackie French14h 58m4.6 (773)$33 · $0.00
Cast in BloodMichelle Sagara16h 35m4.6 (607)$33 · $0.00
The Captain Blood Trilogy (Annotated)Rafael Sabatini29h 20m4.6 (1K)$3 · $0.00
Ship of the Line (Annotated)Cecil Louis Troughton Smith11h 13m4.6 (1K)$2 · $0.00
The George Orwell CollectionGeorge Orwell24h 46m4.5 (14.4K)$12 · $0.00
Time RegainedMarcel Proust15h 38m4.5 (9.2K)$2 · $0.00
Driving ForceElle James4h 58m4.6 (407)$20 · $0.00
When God Calls the HeartBrian Bird, Michelle Cox3h 24m4.6 (439)$10 · $0.00
Lost In TranslationAudrey Davis9h 15m4.4 (235)Free
How to Test Negative for StupidJohn Kennedy8h 13m4.7 (9.7K)$28 · $0.00
The Jeeves and Wooster Stories: The Complete Collection (33 Books)P. G. Wodehouse21h 57m4.7 (2.8K)$15 · $0.00
Birdie & HarlowTaylor Wolfe7h 50m4.6 (6.5K)$26 · $0.00
The Life of DaiDai Henwood, Jaquie Brown8h 2m4.6 (790)$26 · $0.00
Welcome to PawneeJim O'Heir6h 24m4.5 (5.3K)$24 · $0.00
Going PostalTerry Pratchett13h 36m4.5 (163.8K)$33 · $0.00
Woman UninterruptedBrodie Kane7h 1m4.6 (562)$24 · $0.00
1984 & Animal Farm (Annotated)George Orwell15h 54m4.5 (220.8K)$3.99 · $0.00
Kingsblood Royal (Annotated)Sinclair Lewis14h 42m4.6 (264)$2 · $0.00
This Is Going to HurtAdam Kay5h 47m4.4 (444.7K)$24 · $0.00
You Will Get Through This NightDaniel Howell6h 56m4.4 (11.8K)$24 · $0.00
Northanger Abbey (Annotated)Jane Austen10h 7m4.5 (1.6K)$2 · $0.00
My Dear HamiltonStephanie Dray, Laura Kamoie23h 7m4.4 (63.6K)$46 · $0.00
THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS & SCREWTAPE PROPOSES A TOAST (Annotated)C. S. Lewis5h 6m4.4 (471K)$2 · $0.00
BufferingHannah Hart5h 55m4.4 (12.4K)$24 · $0.00
The Office BFFsJenna Fischer, Angela Kinsey8h 26m4.3 (45.4K)$26 · $0.00
The Collected Stories of Dorothy ParkerDorothy Parker8h 36m4.3 (13.6K)$1 · $0.00
LambChristopher Moore15h 22m4.3 (211.3K)$33 · $0.00
#IMomSoHardKristin Hensley, Jen Smedley7h 19m4.3 (7.3K)$24 · $0.00
You may also like
Theophrastus's CharactersTheophrastus1h 20m3.9 (1.1K)$25
In Praise of FollyDesiderius Erasmus3h 48m4.0 (56.3K)$3.50 · $0.00
Domination and the Arts of ResistanceJames C. Scott10h 44m4.2 (819)$25
On Masturbation: "Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism"Mark Twain1h 30m3.7 (1.1K)$1 · $0.00
How to Be Successful without Hurting Men's FeelingsSarah Cooper1h 39m4.1 (5.7K)$15
The Complete Essays and Satires of Mark TwainMark Twain21h 47m4.4 (1.4K)$1 · $0.00
The Color of ChristEdward J. Blum, Paul Harvey12h 24m4.1 (699)$20 · $0.00
A Christmas GarlandMax Sir Beerbohm3h 55m4.1 (784)$1 · $0.00
UtopiaSaint Thomas More4h 26m3.7 (102.4K)$2.30
The Great Indian NovelTharoor, Shashi16h 41m4.0 (9K)Free
The Devil's DictionaryAmbrose Bierce7h 59m4.1 (160.2K)$0.60 · $0.00
The Praise of FollyDesiderius Erasmus3h 48m4.0 (25.7K)$1 · $0.00
The Works of Lucian of Samosata (Vol. 1-4) (Annotated)Lucian of Samosata39h 31m4.3 (132)$1.99 · $0.00
Comic History of EnglandBill Nye3h 45m$2 · $0.00
The Right to Be Lazy, and Other Studies (Annotated)Paul Lafargue4h 27m4.5 (12)$1.99 · $0.00
A History of New YorkWashington Irving14h 45m3.7 (501)$1 · $0.00
The barber's chair; and, The hedgehog lettersDouglas William Jerrold8h 19m$2 · $0.00
A Satire AnthologyCarolyn Wells9h 37m3.8 (77)$2.30
Character Writings of the Seventeenth CenturyVarious18h 25m$1 · $0.00
A Miscellany of MenG. K. Chesterton5h 32m4.0 (495)$2.30