6an image of “the perfect relationship” in my mind, and when
80Not just for myself, but for my son.
7But inside, something feels off.
813309 Quarry Place – Apartment F.
8CHAPTER 1
82communication from time to time.
9Pierce Street in Glen Park.
83Just like that.
10precious.
84December 17, 2008.
11comfort.
85Tree.
12Loud. Playful. Present.
86judge with chains around his wrists and ankles.
13immediately.
87Free.
14Just silence.
88Then weeks.
15steady instead of unpredictable.
89Playful.
16around the house.
90doorstep.
17something stable.
91face.
18Finding Myself in a New Place
92us together.
19Argue with them.
93CHAPTER 5
20up in with my brothers.
94heartbroken.
21understand herself.
95hurt.
22the rules of a new environment.
96woman.
23Until one day, my big cousin Keith on my biological father’s
97apartment.
24A sister?
98a day.
25Sometimes life reveals pieces of your story long after you
99Terri Lyn — my son’s aunt.
26yet.
100Every single time.
27of himself.
101Everyone except the darkness.
28Too still.
102me again.
29and after.
103And the truth is…
30okay.
104CHAPTER 6
31Jamell wasn’t just my brother.
105When God Finally Got My Attention
32But internally.
106news.
33A Letter to Jamell
107Abortion.
34Rules about responsibility.
108Choosing Life
35the loss.
109live in our home.
36like silence?
110Vulnerable.
37inside of me.
111“Get away from him.”
38strength of my mother, the discipline of my stepfather, and the
112out the door.
39CHAPTER 2
113building.
40The class clown.
114Hitting Rock Bottom
41My freshman year, I attended William A. Wirt High School.
115Sasha.
42Despite my struggles in the classroom, something unexpected
116The Night I Finally Cried Out to God
43completely untrue.
117everything.
44As my freshman year at William A. Wirt High School
118And that night…
45that era.
119that morning.
46attention.
120gas tank…
47through it.
121When You Are Weak, God Is Strong
48about Iky.
122until much later.
49me off guard.
123struggle differently.
50on.
124important.
51Accusations.
125My best friend from West Side high school, Shaunice Lowe
52serious.
126CHAPTER 7
53I was expelled from William A. Wirt High School.
127So I did.
54Understanding.
128Until the day of the shoot.
55than me.
129independent, untouched by the chaos of the outside world.
56Trust.
130Me? A model?
57different chapter of my life.
131And for the first time in my modeling career…
58The Letter I Gave My Mother
132Experience in Los Angeles during LA Fashion Week.
59disappoint you.
133why.
60for me?
134last forever.
61CHAPTER 3
135darkness, the sadness, and the uncertainty.
62friendships, laughter, and the normal ups and downs of
136Drained.
63me.
137completion of a manuscript.
64How would my life change from this moment forward?
138Was already inside me all along.
65at the pace of a teenager.
139“guard your heart.”
66for him.
140away freely.
67Losing my Papa.
141The consequences.
68Questions about due dates.
142her first paid
69And some with quiet judgment.
143Will I Ever See Tomorrow
70world.
144To my aunts, thank you for the love, wisdom, and presence
71Anticipation.
145unconditional love.
72Not for one second.
146Will I Ever See Tomorrow
73of unnecessary drama.
147Samuel Sanders Sr.
74My son.
148Jamell David Sanders
